Hospitable Reception

One of the surprising experiences I (Joshua) have had during our month of spending in only seven places is the forced practice of reception.

Last week Alyssa and I were hanging out on a lazy evening. Our lazy evenings are valuable considering my schedule as a Resident Director tends to be consistently inconsistent and constantly moving and this night was particularly valuable because later on I had a meeting to attend and the next night was to be spent at a roller rink with 100+ students. This particular lazy evening had us thumbing through the chalky pages of the local paper only to find free screening of the film 51 Birch Street - since taking up this endeavor we have developed a bit of a radar for free things. We decided to attend the film and invite my colleague/friend and her husband.

I didn't think anything of my invitation, but in the conversation with our friends I realized it was a bit awkward. Going out to a movie almost always constitutes dinner before or after and this was no exception . . . except . . . my colleague suggested that they could pay for us. She needed to check with her husband and then get back to me. I supported her proposal of gender equality/marital communication and reluctantly accepted her offer. But I felt guilty. My mind pondered, “why should they pay because of a decision that we made?”

The next day went by and I didn't think of the matter much – I was busy making a fool of myself at the skate rink, feeling like a fawn learning how to walk. I had a meeting with faculty members on Friday and since academicians like to pontificate and split hairs, my meeting went long. Making it to the film and dinner beforehand was going to be impossible so we ended up going to the campus Dinning Commons, which is free for Residence Directors. The difference between my confidence in a meeting with a room full of doctorate degrees and talking to friends about money was unbelievable. I went from emboldened to baby in the short trek from the administration building to the Dinning Commons.

We enjoyed the movie and had pretty much put the issue of money at the back of our minds again. But once we got to the car we could feel the tension. The front seats of our Rav4 filled with unsureness. I decided to ask about the money, but as the words came out I didn't know how to be direct, it was like I was in 5^th grade trying to tell Tiffany, that cute girl in the front row, that I was crushing on her. Somehow through my clumsiness our query fumbled out of my mouth. To our surprise, they said, “you didn't get our text? We already said we would pay.”

It is strange to think about how much trepidation we had. It felt wrong to receive and even more wrong to ask for something despite the fact it had already been offered.

When we can buy, when we have power and control, we don't often receive well.

We get a lot of things in our lives, Christmas and birthdays are filled with gifts. But getting and receiving are different. When we get things, it is about us. It is the expectation because of an event, it does not feel sacrificial or very relational. Getting can include lowered appreciation and a reduction to things. Most of us have been trained to say, “thank you” when we get a gift, but I question how thankful we actually are. How quickly those gifts pass away for something new or they are just forgotten amongst the many other things in our life. Our appreciation of the things we get wains quickly. Moreover, we reduce our perspective when we get “things.” The primary focus is often on the “thing”. We marvel at a new book, a new dress, a new knife (my Christmas gift this year), and displace the real gift, which is the love in the giving of another person. The “thing” should just be an outward expression.

An attitude of reception allows for the giver and relationship be the emphasis. Receiving means letting someone else do something for us that we can't do ourselves. This expands "gift" away from primarily the things we get - we have the ability to get things for ourselves - and refocuses us on the relationships, love, and care we receive be it in the gift of a new car, loaf of bread, help with a project, or quality time. In our scenario above, what Alyssa and I received wasn't the 30 bucks for appetizers and beers afterwards, it was hospitality and love. We let others meet us where we were, in our context, and care for us.

We don't receive very well in our culture, we like to go it alone or fake that “we got this.” It is an expression of strength, though often a faux strength, that we constantly propose. But receiving means acknowledging imperfection and incompleteness. That is hard. That honesty requires fighting the myth of the self made man and the pulled up by bootstraps mentality. It means giving up control and power.

Within the Christian faith, rhetoric leads us to hospitably receive rather than transactionally get. Phrases about our faith are ,“Receive the Gospel” , “Receive the Sprit” , “Receive Redemption” . . . we do not talk about “getting.” Christianity values relationships with God and others. Salvation as a gift is not primarily about not going to hell, it is about being back in right relationship with God. It isn't just a “thing” of salvation, it is a relationship of reconciliation. A reconciliation that requires us to give-up control and power, expand out image of salvation, and receive the love of God.

Ultimately a real gifts are about receiving love.